Layers of meaty Vulgarity? – La Charcuterie Deli in Port Kells

La Charcuterie's famous front door.I’m not going to waste your time talking about the dodgy industrial area that La Charcuterie Delicatessen is situated in (Port Kells), or how the deli doesn’t look like the health inspector knows where it is let alone checks in on it regularly, or that there was a big black fly hovering lazily over my sandwich mid-preparation. Instead I want to focus on what makes La Charcuterie legendary and that’s the meat…and the vulgarity.

Meet Salam Kahil –  the Sandwich Maker.  This Lebanese former engineer is the king of his cured castle. The only moat that you have to cross in order to experience “The Best Sandwiches in North America,” can be summed up by the tattered welcome sign that greets guests on the way in. It says, “This deli contains coarse language and nudity.” And it really does folks.

Depending on where your eye lands the deli can resemble a storage area, international food distribution site and/or garage sale,La Charcuterie-06 but the main stage is the deli counter and the activity happening behind it. With a menu of sandwich offerings such as, The Manwhore, BC Hydro, BC Ambulance, Teluswich, The Horny Cowswich, 911wich, the Brokeback Mountain, and the Salam’s Wich described as “whatever ‘he’ (being Salam) wants to put on your buns,” you know you are in a blue-collar kingdom – ladies I have warned you.

I chose the Salam’s Wich (how could I not) and Salam eagerly sliced and assembled, asking if I liked it spicy or not, and what type of bun I wanted. This is your cue, as a reader, to think of the dirtiest ways to ask these questions, and well, you’ve summed up Salam.

Sandwiched between layers and layers of meat and cheese is this thick layer of vulgarity.  Telling jokes that even Gary Busey would disapprove of, Salam entertains or embarrasses his customers (introverts beware), as he assembles stacks upon stacks of sliced cured heaven.

The Salam WichPlaying up to his audience he provides salivating customers in line samples of the meat and cheese he is currently slicing – and it simply was the best tasting deli meat I have ever had. His final culinary creation made for me had inch size sections each of porketta, spicy salami, maple syrup ham, Montréal smoked beef and turkey, and then complimented with spicy Italian cheese, tomato, lettuce, Dijon mustard and mayo.  Goliath would be full.

Arriving wrapped up in a brown paper package it looked more like the size and shape of a heavy-weight boxer’s forearm than
something I was now to consume. Weighing in at four pounds, the MASSIVE sandwich (yes I have to put this is capital letters) cost only a mere $7 bucks.

Salam knows his customers, and his customers want meat and loads of it.  Salam in return lovingly gives them mounds and mounds.

So if you really want a sub sandwich (I can never eat at Subway again) and a culinary adventure, take a drive to La Charcuterie. But make sure you leave your sensitivities behind you – they aren’t welcome anyway – it says so on the door.La Charcuterie-11

La Charcuterie Delicatessen, 19080 96 Ave, Unit #8, Surrey (Port Kells), BC.  Tel: (604) 882-0881

Email: [email protected]

After thought:
Salam Kahil and La Charcuterie Deli has nearly 1550 Facebook fans.

To see more meat than you want to see Google the “Sandwich Nazi” on Youtube (Warning: nudity and coarse language).


9 Responses to “Layers of meaty Vulgarity? – La Charcuterie Deli in Port Kells”

  1. Posted on October 17th, 2009

    I hope you survived the sandwich


  2. Posted on October 17th, 2009

    As posted on my Facebook profile status today, “what better way for an agoraphobic woman to spend her birthday than to meet the Sandwich Nazi?” Was he vulgar? I didn’t notice. Then again, compared to most of the people I’ve met since moving here to Surrey, BC a little over 4 years ago, his language didn’t phase me. Salam was charming and most entertaining! Watching him work was like witnessing an artist create a masterpiece. When he displayed the sandwich to me just before he wrapped it up, I thought wow, THAT is art! I am by nature a rather shy and quiet woman who generally hates attention; but meeting Salam and tasting his wares was the perfect start to a wonderful day! I would recommend Charcuterie to everyone… but well, I don’t want to have to wait in line too long for another one of those heavenly sandwiches… so it would be best for me if you all just went to Subway. (just kidding) I, for one, intend to return as soon as I can. Thank you Salam for making this one of the most memorable birthdays EVER! You are a true gentleman. And thank you to Ozzy, Jason and Rosa for encouraging me to get out of the house on my birthday. It was well worth it!

  3. Posted on October 23rd, 2009

    lol, sounds like a roadtrip waiting to happen.

  4. Posted on October 27th, 2009

    I am currently putting a Webpage together for Salam. I left the address in this form.

  5. Posted on September 2nd, 2011

    does guy fiari know about this place????

  6. Posted on September 5th, 2012

    Entering this Lunatic’s establishment was a BAD BAD BAD Decision. I work up the road from this place, have for years, and have never been in, so thought I would give it a shot today….I REGRET this decision entirely!!!!! Upon walking in, the man behind the counter took one look at me & said the following, “I DON’T Care how pretty you are or what you are selling, get the Hell out of my store….” I was floored…completely dumbfounded…I thought for a moment that he was joking as I simply could not fathom being spoken to like this, and for NO REASON WHATSOEVER!!!! I asked him if he was kidding, to which he once again responded, “You are Not Getting Anything in my Store!!! Get the Hell Out!!!!”…..I was mortified..there were several other people in the store, all whom looked shocked & uncomfortable…I’ve never ever in my life been spoken to this way and plan on sharing this experience with everyone in this Community!!!!!!!!!!!

  7. Posted on September 9th, 2012

    No cell allowed in my store. and I told you so. and you did not want to shut it off. I don’t want to see your face again

  8. Posted on October 5th, 2012

    Jasmine is a liar. She did not tell the whole story.
    she came into the deli and she was using her cell and I nicely ask her to shut it off and she ignored me and I told her that. I am serious no sandwich for you unless you shut it off and she was arguing why but why and why and why and she kept on ignoring me so I asked her to leave this way:
    “never mind how pretty you are but you still have to leave and no sandwich for you”
    people like Jasmine, I don’t need them in my deli.

  9. Posted on October 15th, 2012

    We have know Salam since he started in the business at his first location just up the street from the first La Charcuterie location at Kingsway & Boundry. That would have been about 1986 He hasn’t changed an iota in all that time. Our eldest Son has introduced many people to the experience that is “La Charcuterie” I think some of them are still full from eating one of his sandwiches.
    We all wish Salam a speedy and full recovery.

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